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The fort diary of Useless

Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. This time it has been posted on the gun deck of a Tudor fort with a notebook and a very windy pencil. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.

Useless, a pink-and-blue eraser with googly eyes
  1. Day 1

    Deal Castle was designed for over 140 guns. I was designed to rub out one spelling mistake. I am already behind. English Heritage: History of Deal Castle

  2. Day 2

    Deal had guns in five tiers. I have crumbs in five tiers. It is called a pencil case. English Heritage: History of Deal Castle

  3. Day 3

    Hurst Castle has two lighthouses inside its walls. I have one smudge inside my wrapper. Nobody comes to see it. English Heritage: Significance of Hurst Castle

  4. Day 4

    Portland’s first captain had only four gunners and two other men. My whole team is one ruler and a pencil with no point. English Heritage: History of Portland Castle

  5. Day 5

    At Walmer, people piled turf on the ramparts to soak up cannon shot. I soak up pencil. It is my whole job. English Heritage: History of Walmer Castle

  6. Day 6

    St Mawes is shaped like a clover leaf. I am shaped like a small, sad brick. English Heritage: St Mawes Castle

  7. Day 7

    People have scratched graffiti into Deal’s roof since at least 1724. Someone wrote on me last week. I am still upset. English Heritage: Deal Castle, history and stories

  8. Day 8

    An Armada heading for Carrick Roads was stopped by bad weather. My homework was stopped by bad weather too. That is my story and I am sticking to it. English Heritage: History of St Mawes Castle

  9. Day 9

    By 1552 Yarmouth had 140 longbows and 223 bills. I have one bill. It is for a new sharpener, and I cannot pay it. English Heritage: History of Yarmouth Castle

  10. Day 10

    An angle bastion is shaped like an arrowhead. I am shaped like something that has been sat on. English Heritage: History of Yarmouth Castle

  11. Day 11

    A dark, narrow passage called the Rounds goes all the way round Deal Castle. I go all the way round the desk. Nobody gives it a name. English Heritage: Deal Castle

  12. Day 12

    The Duke of Wellington loved Walmer Castle. My owner loves the pencil. I do all the work. English Heritage: History of Walmer Castle

  13. Day 13

    Hurst guarded the Needles Passage, only about 1,280 metres wide. I guard the gap between two books. It is about one centimetre wide. English Heritage: History of Hurst Castle

  14. Day 14

    In 1667 the Dutch sailed straight past Upnor. Yesterday a mistake went straight past me. We have both been there. English Heritage: Upnor Castle

Want more of Useless on paper? The Tudor Forts Family Activity Pack has colouring pages, a fort maze, spot the difference, a design-your-own-fort page, Useless the Eraser’s fort jokes and a 20-question quiz to do together (paid download, $3.49 USD, A4 and US Letter).